Cunnilingus—the act of performing oral sex on a woman—is extraordinarily stimulating and can take your sexual experiences to the next level. But if you’ve never given oral sex to a woman before, you may have questions, like: “How can I learn how to perform oral sex on a woman?” or “Do women like oral sex?”
Many women believe that oral sex is the most intimate act a partner can perform—above and beyond intercourse. Unfortunately, those same women may be uncomfortable requesting oral sex or even accepting it due to previous experiences. Knowing what to expect and how to perform great oral sex can help you bridge this gap with your partner.
What Should You Expect?
If you’re new to having oral sex with a woman, there are a few things you should know before getting started.
How To Have Safe Oral Sex
Your partner won’t get pregnant from oral sex, but sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can still be transmitted via oral sex. That’s why it’s essential to use protection in the form of a dental dam if you’re performing oral sex with a partner you’re not exclusive with.
How To Prepare for Oral Sex
Many women are reluctant to receive oral sex because they’re afraid they might be putting off an odor. To help reduce this fear on her part, express your desire to have oral sex before you’re in the bedroom. Try taking a sensual shower together.
Having the right equipment on hand can also be a game-changer. Flavored blow job enhancers can mask any tastes you’re not used to, while something like a vibrating tongue ring can ensure a fantastic time for both of you.
Are You Doing It Right?
A technique that one woman loves may not do anything for a different woman. That’s why communication is key to performing amazing oral sex. Feel free to tell your partner that you want to do a good job—and that you’re open to suggestions. This can help her share what she likes and doesn’t like during and after oral sex.
That being said, there are some things to keep in mind during oral sex. One of these things is that even if oral sex is the main event, it shouldn’t be the only event. Foreplay is still critical.
How To Pace Yourself
Your best bet is to slowly build up to oral sex by starting with kissing, massaging, and touching the body. This allows your partner to get the most pleasure out of oral sex, ensuring that their entire body is primed for your attention when you finally bring your tongue into contact with their clitoris.
An added benefit of starting slow is that you will both be ready to go by the time you make it to her vulva. If you are nervous about performing oral sex and are worried about it taking a long time, spending extra time on foreplay may make the main event take less time as a result.
How To Give Oral Sex to a Woman
Some of the best oral sex techniques involve stimulating the clitoris—the little flap of skin inside the vulva. Studies show that orgasms that include the clitoris are associated with increased sexual desire—meaning your partner may want more sex in the future if you pay attention to this crucial body part. Some ways to do this include:
- Use your tongue to flick the clitoris gently.
- Swirling your tongue around the clitoris in a circular motion.
- Slowly lapping at the clitoris with your tongue.
You don’t want to start oral sex aggressively. Instead, consider starting by pressing a kiss to the outer lips of her vulva or by licking her panties while she’s still wearing them. Then, move to other parts of her body, and come back to her vulva more and more frequently until it’s time to incorporate the clitoris.
How To Incorporate the Vagina During Oral Sex
Even without penetration, oral sex can be exciting and lead to Orgasm. But if you want to include the vagina, you can insert your tongue into her vaginal canal. Or you can try using a vibrator inside her vagina while you use your language on her vulva.
How To Position Yourself for Oral Sex
The great thing about oral sex is that it can be done in many different positions. Here are just a few to get you started:
69: This is where you give your partner oral sex at the same time that she gives you oral sex. The easiest way to pull this off is to lay on your sides next to each other. This position is great if you both want to try oral sex simultaneously.
Seated Partner: Have your partner sit on the edge of the bed or chair. Get down on your knees between her legs and go to town. This is an excellent position if you started with foreplay but are ready to pay your full attention to oral sex.
- Partner on Back: Have your partner lay on her back. Get on your knees at the foot of the bed, between her legs. This is an excellent position if you want to access all of her body simultaneously.
Are You There Yet?
With women, orgasms aren’t so cut-and-dry. The only way to know for sure that a woman has had an orgasm is to ask her.
How To Tell If Your Partner Has Had an Orgasm
How does a woman’s body react to an orgasm? Women’s bodies don’t always react the same when they orgasm. There is such a thing as female ejaculation, though ejaculation is different for women than for men.
For one thing, not all women ejaculate when they orgasm. The jury is still out on how common female ejaculation is, but estimates report that anywhere from 10-50% of women ejaculate during sex.
If you’re performing oral sex on a woman, you should be prepared for the possibility of ejaculation. Still, you shouldn’t use ejaculation to judge whether or not your partner has reached Orgasm.
How To Handle When Your Partner Doesn’t Orgasm
Remember that sex is about the journey, not about the destination. 10-15% of women never achieve Orgasm, no matter what you do. And 75% of women can’t achieve Orgasm through penetrative sex alone—they need clitoral stimulation, often with toys or tongues, to get there. So if your partner doesn’t Orgasm during sex, don’t take it personally.
Instead, focus on sex being about developing intimacy and doing what feels good for both of you. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to help your partner orgasm. Switching positions and focusing on clitoral stimulation are both excellent steps to helping your partner orgasm. But if you both feel connected, that’s much more important than if you both Orgasm.
Do you Think of Oral Sex as a Marathon or a Sprint?
Giving the best oral sex to a woman can be summarized in two words: enthusiasm and pacing. It’s not a sprint—it’s more like a marathon.
If you keep in mind that many women enjoy oral sex, and you take your time to get to know her body and communicate with her about what feels good, you can make oral sex a fun and exhilarating part of your sex life.
Should You Try Using Oral Sex Products?
Once you know how to give the best oral sex, it’s time to add some extra fun. These mind-blowing products can help you figure out how to give good oral sex.
- Edible Body Play Paints
- Edible Crotch Gummy Panties
- Edible Crotchless Gummy Panties
- Edible Body Paint Brushes
- Edible Massage Oil
- Love Lickers Virgin Straw
- Candy G-String
- Oralicious: Peaches & Cream
- Fantasy for Her: Ultimate Pleasure Toy
- Fantasy for Her: Silicone Fun Tongue
11 Sex Therapists on What Their Clients Tell Them About Oral Sex. (May 2018). The Cut.
Dental Dam Use. (August 2016). CDC.
Clitorally Stimulated Orgasms Are Associated With Better Control of Sexual Desire, and Not Associated With Depression or Anxiety, Compared With Vaginally Stimulated Orgasms. (November 2016). Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Female orgasms: What you need to know. (February 2020). Medical News Today.
What is female ejaculation?. (January 2020). Medical News Today.
Do women ejaculate?. International Society for Sexual Medicine.
Female Orgasm May Be Tied to ‘Rule of Thumb’. (September 2009). ABC News.