Dive Deep Into Sexual Pleasure: A Beginner’s Guide to Strap-On Dildos

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Strap-on dildos are two-piece sex toys that include a dildo (or penis-shaped toy) and a harness to hold it in place. Although you can buy a strap-on as one piece, it’s also common practice to buy your harness and dildo separately so that you can size each item according to your needs.

Strap-on dildos are used by a variety of people for different reasons. Heterosexual women may choose to use them with male partners as a sort of role reversal in the bedroom — a practice known as “pegging” — while females with female partners may use strap-on dildos to enjoy the sensation of penetrative sex. Strap-ons are also used by trans men who haven’t undergone gender confirmation surgery.

How Does a Strap-On Harness Work?

The perfect strap-on harness is all about fit. When a harness fits correctly, the base of the dildo should rest flat against your body and be held securely enough that you can use it hands-free without it slipping and sliding all over the place.

Once your strap-on harness is secured, you can enjoy penetrative sex, including both anal and vaginal sex, while leaving your hands available to explore your partner. Keep in mind that you shouldn’t use a butt plug in conjunction with your strap-on harness. Unlike dildos, which are meant to be rapidly inserted and extracted, butt plugs are meant to be inserted and left in — and may not withstand the rapid movements you can do while wearing a strap-on device.

Talking to Your Partner About Using a Strap-On Dildo

Bringing a strap-on device into your sex life can be fun and pleasurable — as long as both partners are turned on by the idea. To make sure that’s the case, it’s critical to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your interest in bringing a strap-on into the bedroom.

Talking about using a strap-on device may be especially difficult in heterosexual relationships, as there’s some stigma attached to the idea of heterosexual men enjoying anal sex. This stigma is unfortunate, as the pleasure of prostate stimulation has been compared to the pleasure women feel when their G-spot is stimulated.

To get that conversation off on the right foot, it’s best to sit down with your partner in a non-judgmental space. Try starting off by talking about what you both like in the bedroom and what your fantasies are. This is a great opener for discussing the idea of strap-on devices.

For example, if you mention wanting to feel more powerful in the bedroom — and your partner seems receptive to that idea — you can then continue by saying, “I was reading about strap-on devices and how they can help women feel more in control in the bedroom. What are your thoughts on that?”

Like any conversation, it’s critical that you listen to what your partner has to say non-judgmentally. Then, present any reasons you have for wanting to try a strap-on dildo. Once you’ve both listened to one another, it can be a good idea to take a few days away from the conversation to think and allow your partner to do their own research. Pick a time to reconvene.

It’s important not to shame or wheedle your partner into using a strap-on device. If it’s not a turn-on for both of you, then it’s not the right sex toy to bring into your life. But if (after some discussion) your partner is willing to try bringing a strap-on into the bedroom, your next step is to make sure you do your research so that you can both enjoy strap-on sex safely and comfortably.

How To Choose the Best Strap-Ons for You

There are a few different varieties of strap-on harnesses you can try. These include:

  • Underwear-style harness. This harness looks like a pair of briefs or boxers with space in the front to insert the dildo. This can be the most comfortable style, but it’s also the hardest to fit correctly as the size isn’t adjustable.
  • Thong-style harness. This style has adjustable waist straps so that you can fit it snugly to your body, while a thong-like strap goes between the butt cheeks. It tends to be comfortable for strap-on wearers who have a vulva.
  • Jockstrap-style harness. This style fits like a typical jockstrap, with straps beneath each butt cheek, and tends to be most comfortable for strap-on wearers who have a penis. Like the thong-style harness, this style has adjustable straps to make the fit as secure as possible.

Strap-ons also come in a variety of different materials, including rope, leather, nylon, spandex, and polyester. Each material has pros and cons. Machine-washable materials like rope or nylon can be easy to clean between uses, while materials like leather can be harder to clean but may be more comfortable to wear.

The final factor to consider is the dildo itself. Some strap-on harnesses come with an included dildo, but many are sold separately from the dildo so that you can pick the right dildo for your needs. Keep in mind when choosing your dildo that it still needs to fit into the ring of the harness you selected. Some harnesses have multiple ring sizes that can be swapped out so that you can use your harness with more than one dildo.

How To Put On a Strap-On Dildo

Wearing a strap-on dildo is all about getting the fit just right. First, put the straps on, securing them snugly over your hips, and then strap the dildo into place.

Most people recommend walking around with your strap-on in place before trying it with your partner. Wear it while doing everyday activities and notice how it feels. If the straps fall from beneath your butt cheeks or the dildo dangles precariously, you’ll want to tighten the dildo more securely to your body. The tighter your strap-on is on your body, the more control you’ll have over the dildo during sex.

How To Use a Strap-On Dildo

When using a strap-on, lubrication is key. A dildo doesn’t make any natural lubrication. If you combine that with anal play — another thing that doesn’t naturally lubricate — there can be a lot of friction if you don’t lubricate adequately.

Like with any new sexual activity, it’s also a good idea to start slow and work your way up. Foreplay while wearing a strap-on can be incredibly intimate. Use your hands and mouth to stimulate your partner before leading up to penetrative sex.

Best Positions

One of the best things about using a strap-on is that position possibilities are endless. Some of the best starter positions include:

  • Hands-and-knees approach. The receiving partner is on hands and knees, and the inserting partner approaches from behind.
  • Seated wearer. The person wearing the strap-on sits, and their partner lowers themselves on top of the dildo.
  • Standing shower sex. If your strap-on is waterproof, try taking it into the shower! The receiving partner can lean against one wall of the shower while the wearer penetrates them.

Cleaning Your Strap-On

Cleaning your strap-on is important for avoiding infection and keeping play fun and safe. Always refer to manufacturer instructions when it comes to cleaning. In general, you’ll want to separate the dildo from the harness and clean the two pieces separately.

Some harnesses can be put in the washing machine, while others will need to be carefully washed by hand. You’ll want to wash the dildo according to its type. For example, glass dildos can be submerged in water, while dildos made of porous materials will need to be gently washed with a cleanser and fully dried before being stored.

Penetration Can Be Pleasurable for Everyone Involved

Strap-on dildos are one of the few sex toys on the market that can be used by both men and women regardless of sexual orientation. When it comes to giving or receiving penetrative sex, there are no limits to having a good time. So go ahead — check out strap-on dildos and have a good time!

Top Selling Strap-On Dildos on Peachwood

Anal Fantasy Collection The Pegger - Black | $39.99

Anal Fantasy Collection The Pegger - Black

Adam and Eves Strap On Playset | $44.99

Adam and Eves Strap On Playset

Fetish Fantasy Series Vibrating Strapless Strap-On - Smoke | $49.99

Fetish Fantasy Series Vibrating Strapless Strap-On - Smoke

Fetish Fantasy Series Classix Strap-on - Purple/Black | $25.99

Fetish Fantasy Series Classix Strap-on - PurpleBlack

Pegasus Realistic Silicone Rechargeable Dildo With Remote Control And Adjustable Harness Set 6.5in - Vanilla | $113.99

Pegasus Realistic Silicone Rechargeable Dildo With Remote Control And Adjustable Harness Set 6.5in - Vanilla

References

Strap-On. (November 2016). Cosmopolitan

How to Suggest The Act Everyone’s Talking About. (January 2016). Bustle.

Straight Guys, Here’s Why You Should Give Pegging a Chance. (May 2020). Vice.

Strap-on Sex 101: How to Pick Out the Right Harness and Dildo. (July 2019). Healthline.

The Beginner’s Guide to Using a Strap-On. (August 2018). Lifehacker.

10 Perfect Sex Positions for Pegging Your Man. (June 2018). Cosmopolitan.