What is Cuckolding?

Cuck isn't a silly insult; it's a whole sexual fetish with deep historical roots. And it's more common than most would think. One study showed that "cuckolding" was the second most popular search term in straight porn searches. According to Pornhub, one of the world's most popular porn sites, cuckolding is consistently in their top 100 search terms.

What is Cuckolding?

Cuckolding is a relationship or scenario in which one partner enjoys being deprived of sex. Instead, they get off on watching their partner have sex with another person.

The three roles involved in a cuckolding scene include:

  • The cuckold or cuck: The one watching.
  • The cuckoldress or cuckquean: The partner to the cuckold.
  • The bull: The one who has sex with the cuckoldress.

While depictions of often cuckolding show people in the submissive role and women in the dominant one, those gender norms aren't required to make it a cuckold situation. People of any gender can assume either the part of the cuckold or the person doing the cuckolding.  

Why Is It Called Cuckolding?

cuckolding egg

The word comes from the cuckoo bird because they often lay eggs in other birds' nests.

The term "cuckolding" simply referred to men whose partners cheated on them without their knowledge. Men would often not realize it until their partner had a child that did not resemble him, similar to how cuckoo birds sometimes have other birds sit on their eggs. There are references to cuckolds in literature as early as the year 1250.

Now cuckolding refers to the sexual fetish, which has blossomed across the internet. 

What About Hotwifing?

cuckolding couples

Cuckolding is different from " hotwifing." Cuckqueens, or cuckoldresses — women who cuckold their partners — usually choose their sexual partners. 

The hotwife fetish is similar, but the watcher usually chooses whom their lover has sex within that scenario. In hotwifing, the man assumes a more dominant role through voyeurism. Called a "stag" instead of a "cuck", this role generally enjoys showing off their partner and gets off on watching them receive as much pleasure as possible.

Why Do People Enjoy Cuckolding?

There are many reasons why someone would enjoy cuckolding. Some of them are rooted in psychological theories. If you find yourself turned on by the idea, it may be a good idea to look into why you like it. You may find a new side of yourself to explore!

Feeling Happy For Your Partner

The term "compersion" means feeling happy because of someone else's joy. In non-monogamous circles, it is often used to describe one partner's happiness when another partner has an additional positive date or relationship. In this case, some cuckolds like it because it thrills them to know their partner is having a great time, just with someone else.

Sperm Competition Theory

This theory posits that the drive to reproduce causes some men to enjoy watching their partners have sex with other men. Watching their partner have sex with someone else can give them harder, stronger, and more great orgasms for some men.

It's Taboo

For some who have this fetish, this is a sexy subject to keep hush-hush. It's an idea that many would find shocking and that temptation alone is the starting point for many different kinks.

The Ties to BDSM

For some submissive people, cuckolding ticks all the boxes they are into. It allows their partner to control the bedroom and makes them feel even more submissive, which is how they like it.

How Do You Cuckold Your Partner?

Each cuckolding relationship is different. There is no absolute "how-to" guide for cuckolding to fit every situation. However, some primary considerations will help you to cuckold your partner.


If you're interested in cuckolding, bring it up to your partner. It might be hard to talk about at first, but open and honest communication can make bedroom fantasies come true. Make sure to talk about what turns you on about the idea. That may get your partner excited about it too. If you have both decided to try it, talk to your partner and set the desired boundaries for the situation. Example topics could include:

  • How far are you both willing to go with the situation?

  • Do you want to just dirty talk about it, or would you like to try it in real life?

  • What will you do if it starts to affect your relationship negatively? Consider the emotional implications of this fetish.

But there are many more curiosities and concerns you may want to cover personally. When you start cuckolding, there may be other fetishes and fantasies intertwined. Be sure to research well for safety and understanding of toys and kinks that may come out to play.

Consent and Boundaries

Games are only fun because of the rules set in place. Before starting with cuckolding, talk to your partner about your fantasies and listen to theirs. Make sure to create a safe word that either partner can use to stop the play at any time. All BDSM play requires communication and trust between all individuals. 

All people should be fully on board, and hesitance from anyone means that things need to be further discussed. Make sure that no one is valuing the fantasy over the person! More communication means more comfort and freedom in exploring. 

Start Small

Once the stage is set, you may not feel comfortable going out and finding a third right away. You can start by dirty talking and roleplaying through a cuckolding scenario during sex. You can even talk about other people you fantasize about getting it on with, real or imagined.

Then, once you're comfortable with that, try going out and having your partner watch you get flirty with someone new. If that goes well... why not set up a date? Remember that not everyone will be receptive to joining this kind of play, and try to be a good sport about whatever answer you receive.

How to Practice Cuckolding Responsibly

cuckolding partner

To practice cuckolding responsibly, make communication number one! Be sure that everyone is having fun and feeling fulfilled. 

Besides that, there are more practical safety considerations for meeting someone new and sleeping with multiple partners. Always meet your potential "third" or "bull" somewhere public for the first time. Let a trusted person know where you are going. Until you feel comfortable with someone, don't give out too much of your personal information.

Decide what safer sex methods you will use with your new sex partner. Anytime you're having sex with multiple partners, get tested more frequently for sexually transmitted infections. You can also reduce the risk of STIs by using safer sex barriers like condoms.

There is also the risk of harming your relationship. That's why it is so important to communicate in a cuckold relationship about how you feel about your other lovers. Ask your partner how they are feeling about things too. Respect your partner's wishes if they would like to slow things down or stop.

Cuckolding Toys & Accessories

The toys needed for cuckolding bedroom games depend on what types of things you want to do. There are many options to best tailor these scenes to your specific fantasies. 

Here are a few other ideas, and some props to assist in them, involved in cuckolding:  

In its most basic form, cuckolding doesn't require any sex toys at all! However, adding toys into the mix does spice up the already-spicy.


Cucks, cuckolds, cuckqueans and cuckoos. Macmillan Dictionary Blog.

Cuckold meaning. Your Dictionary.

Cuckolding: What Is It, Why People Love It & 5 Beginner Tips. (February 2020). mbgrelationships.

Everything You Need to Know About Cuckolding. Healthline.

Why Married Couples Are Into Cuckolding. (October 2018). Refinery 29.

Take My Wife, Please! All About Cuckolding. (November 2016). PornHub.